I tried ignoring God

I tried ignoring God for a week

but I found diaries from
elementary school
where I told Him my
secrets

I asked Him if He was real
and to forgive me for saying
I hated my sister

I wrote to Him
on vacations
like a postcard

I confessed that I’d marry
the boy Isaac from class
and asked if that was okay

The counselor called my mom
told her I was sitting alone
on the bench at recess
She didn’t know
I was talking to God
too scared to talk to the other kids

I asked Him why
my friend kept hitting me
and bruising my skin
when I didn’t want to play

why the boys laughed
and squeezed me where
I didn’t like
when I wore a bikini
for the first time

why I couldn’t go to a dance
and feel beautiful
like the rest

and He replied by shining
in a dream where I
realized
it doesn’t matter what they say
when He’s the one that
has always been
listening

And I remembered the time
my dad drove away
after a fight that made me
wonder if he was ever coming
back
and in fear, I fell
begged God to make him
turn around
and He told me
if he didn’t
He’d be my proper father

He’s all I’ve had
my only solid
He hasn’t let me down
so no matter how much
I want to, I can’t
give Him up just yet